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THE APOLOGY

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They beat me and I called you to save me ... but you couldn't.. so I secretly resented you.
They took our babies and sold them, I begged you to save us.. but you couldn't .. so I secretly blamed you..
They raped me, and I cried out for you to protect me... but you couldn't.....So I stopped trusting you... 
You were supposed to be my man.. my provider.. my protector but when I needed you.. you couldn't be there... so I hated you...
How could I let you tell me what to do.
When massa could protect me more than you..
How could I submit to you when you are forced to submit to massa?
So to protect myself I submitted to the one who could protect me and our children.
I stopped trusting you..
I stopped loving you..
I stopped honoring you..
I stopped valuing you and in turn I became valueless to you.
I didn't see the frustration in your eyes when our children were sold..
I didn't hear your silent cries when I was beaten.
I didn't see your anger when I was being ravished..
I didn't understand that you held your emotions to be strong for me..
I thought you didn't care.. but you wanted to be there...you wanted to protect me.. you wanted to ....
but massa made it so you couldn't so I would trust him more than you.
I didn't see the hidden hands shaping our destiny..
all I saw was my pain.. and the feeling that you neglected me..
For all the times I blamed you, I'm sorry
For the resentment and distrust I've held against you for centuries.. I'm sorry
For the times I've let you down
For all the times I've broken your spirit with my words and my actions.
For the times I openly rejected you.. and tried to control you .. because I thought less of you.. I'm sorry..
Massa had a plan.. that he said would work for 400 years.. 400 years is over now.
My eyes are wide open... ..
I see the king in you...
Please forgive my wrongs and see your queen in me.
POETRY By KhaYah (Aisha Williams)©


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